But some people have similar symptoms from this sort of sexual play as from adult/child sexual abuse, if they feel they didnt have the right to say no, or were too shy to do so. I am not abusive to anyone but obviously I know that I am not a joy to be around, when anything can trigger my PTSD. Once, I recall, I was getting changed in my bedroom and my father tried to get in. This sort of rubbing then giving treats is psychologically very hard on children. You are suffering. This is why two people can experience the same trauma and one has PTSD and the other is fine. What you are not mentioning here is your parents. Wed suggest not jumping to conclusions and speaking to someone outside of the situation so you can start to figure out your own feelings, thoughts, and experiences for yourself without having to fear any repercussions. I tried and it worked. If you're questioning if you were sexually abused, take this 'Was I sexually abused?' quiz and find out. It feels like I cant move on until I know for sure. But Im quite nervous about it could someone give me some advice pls This could be talking to a counsellor, or if that feels too hard you might want to start by calling a hotline where a trained listener will be waiting to help and will believe what you share. I have anxiety and depression and have had it for 30 yrs however I self medicated with alcohol. They also showed me porn. I remember only a few things even if i think hard about, these gaps go up to the age of 12. She told my mum but not my dad and im pretty sure she spoke with the family friend and his wife. To this day being 21, I still think all the time, how the hell did my mom know. Still wondering if it actually happened or not. What we CAN do is seek support and get help for the symptoms and moving forward. Mon, please do read our responses to others above. At least I now know why I had such inner rage as a child, the cutting events of my teenage years, the depression, suicidal thoughts, feeling dirty, hating anything to do with sex (Id never ever wear low cut shirts, even swimming, Id always have a shirt on), until my first boyfriend guilted me into sex. Quiz: Does My Partner Have Sexual Aversion Disorder? After our first sexual encounter, I actually went home and cried because first of all, he didnt really ask me if he could do it, secondly it sort of hurt, and thirdly I felt extremely guilty. Ive also had a very hard fight with depression and substance abuse. She was 4 years older and curious and insosted that we stay and watch, while I really just wanted to go home, since I got terribly scared. It has no relation to child abuse, its just used as a way to discipline a child for bad behaviour. Like, should the conversation just be along the lines of I understand you were sexually confused and I had similar experiences, but I just want us to agree that were past this now and Ill be there for you as a sister and youll be there for me as a brother blah blah blah happy ending, (obviously more serious than that but its the jist of it). Perhaps she felt she was doing her best to keep a roof over your heads, etc, but a child needs to feel safe and protected and prioritised. Until two years ago, I could not handle physical contact, I felt violated and dirty every time someone, particularly a man, touched me. Although not a guarantee. i never see him but i know when i was a baby he used to baby sit me before my parents put me in daycare. I have been with my wife now 10 years, before her I was in many many many sexual relationships all straight never had any thoughts of being with men, but 2 times now Ive had men hit on me and touch me not sexually but wanting to, saying things like wanting to see me naked and complements, I had to pretend I got sick once and another pretend I was sleeping so they would leave. Anther thing that I saw that I relate to is feeling disconnected from my body, I want to be loved so bad, and I feel like im dirty down there all the time. We see this often in those from religious backgrounds, for example. I am uncertain and Im afraid of asking my mom about it. I really believe that my son was abused by his mothers boyfriend. Emotional Abuse Test: Am I Emotionally Abused? | HealthyPlace can you give an opinion. Yes, absolutely B. Is there anywhere else you could seek some support? All these kinds of things are abuse. Google for one who deals with long-term PTSD and see what you find and not to toot our own horn (as we want you to find the person who is right for you regardless) but our new sister site offers phone and Skype therapy worldwide, http://www.harleytherapy.com. Years later, I am sure the taste was the same as that of male ejaculation at the time I was, or at least thought I was, still a virgin and had no idea what the taste was, but the dream left me with mixed feelings as there was a kind of excitement at the sexual experience but it was like this sexual experience that I was having (in my dream) turned out an awful nightmare and very unpleasant. Did you not get a counsellor or therapist to help? It sounds like you are really struggling with anxiety and self-esteem issues. Every time I get scared in the dark. I used one of hers once from a new pack went to replace them and she got home before i got back and she got really angry at me so i ended up giving her my pack and having to use toilet roll again. I remember being woken up when my dad came to the room ( being 7 I was excited). I was rather shy and quiet when I was younger I guess that made me an easy target.I remember there was time a family member almost caught us I was absolutely terrified I was going to get into trouble despite never initiating any of it. I have an unhealthy relationship with food and are on the borders of full-blown bulimia. Have I just convinced myself that something happened? Its also worth noting I was my Dads favourite my sister would apparently cry whenever she wasnt with Mum, whether with my grandparents, strangers, even my Dad. Even so, when I started masturbating at age 11, I was incredibly ashamed and couldnt stand the idea of anyone finding out. From there you can talk more about things and see what comes up. So the question I have for you guys is should I get a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse recovery even though I dont know for sure if I was sexually abused? No-one seems to have the professionalism and needed actions I would need. I do remember fooling around with a friend of mine when we were young and kissing my sister. But at the time I didnt realize what he was planing to do. It shouldnt have happened to you. Or is there another trusted adult you could talk to who could help get your parents on board with getting you help? Do you have someone to talk to you trust? But Ive realized that I have a strange curiosity about abuse and part of me feels like I may have been abused at some point around about age 9. Hi Manvi, We recommend you read our connected article about what to do if you are worried you were abused. There was another memory of where I was staring at the ceiling while an older male cousin was doing something down there. Anytime a man takes an interest in being with me, Im flattered, but also scared stiff and want to run away and hide. 1. Other memories are quite blurry and I dont feel comfortable saying stuff that Im not sure happened so Ill leave it at that, however I am pretty sure that more things happened. A counsellor at school you could try talking to? Was in hospital last February for 2 weeks and the February before that for a month due to meds not working and needing a change quickly and with round the clock doc care. They are very nice and friendly. constant low grade illnesses like cold and flu, feeling oddly dirty or itchy all the time. You can of course suggest they consider it, but this must be done in a very tactful way, or you can push the person further away from ever seeking help and sabotage any connection you do have. Do you often get remarks about your sex or gender? The most important thing of all when finding a therapist is that you feel that you can grow to trust them and can be comfortable around them. Also high sex drove. Is it odd that I so vividly remember what happened but not the age that I was? I cant go to a psychologist because my mother wont take me if i asked she would just start to ask questions and id have to tell her and I dont trust the school counselor enough since im new at that school. Either way I am happy to have sought help, EDMR therapy in particular, and to at least learn who I really am. The brain is mysterious and highly complex. It was just us two which was unusual because we normally werent that close as he was three years older and my sisters best friend. Believe me, i really dont want this to be true but I do feel like i have finally put the puzzle together, does that make sense? Where is her truth? I still am. Is there any way you could find professional support with all this? Hi there. bit.ly/talktoparents Otherwise wed advise you call a free hotline. And try to keep going until you are the age of 18 at which point you are eligible to hire a therapist for yourself. I cant actual say out loud what my fear is its hard to write. Then look at our new article on how to find the support you need as a teen and do reach out for help bit.ly/teenmentalthealthhelp. I remained afraid of her for several months, and I was constantly watching her and looking for signs that she was attracted to me or wanted to use me, and I remember little things that she did that seemed almost flirtatious or just creepy to me. You sound like you have done a lot of work on it, and you have a depth of understanding of others that truly helps you, such as being able to understand how your parents did the best they can with the tools they then had. I am 49. The doctors and therapists told me to shut up all the time so I never went back. Hi V, thanks for sharing. You are the one living your life. Thanks. You have been through an awful lot. Five are related to other family members: a parent who's an alcoholic, a parent who's a victim of domestic violence, a family member in jail, a family member diagnosed with a mental illness . But these are not signs of abuse, if that makes you feel better. And there is as much a chance you werent as were. This happened a lot because when I got in to school, I was sitting in a chair all day pretty much and I would do it all the time and my teachers and my classmates would look at me so weird. We also dont know what country you are in. There were things that I did that I didnt even want. You could really benefit from talking to a trained professional and processing in a safe space these feelings of anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem. I avoided any possible situation like that and although it never happened again I could see that he had told all his friends they would stare at me.
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