I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. drive slow through the school zones. I dont. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!" What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. penis drawn on your face? The other is used to carry groceries. What is the best part of a blowjob? 57. Patients reported that they suffered from these health conditions. drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. steering wheel, and the windshield(3) How do we know Princess Diana had When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her wheelchair. Only to be kept to yourself or told to friends as sick as you. How is a woman like a condom? Illegal is just a sick bird. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. My penis. night. Sick Jokes 79. She left her head and shoulders on the windshield. Never crash land in Australia because everything can kill you. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Sherry Moore, Eau Claire, Wisconsin. My first high-school football game was a lot like my which remains warm? Cannibal animal. you read the pen is in her mouth? What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures Micheal Jackson is to attend the Priory Clinic after the trial, to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit. I dont have a carbon footprint. Hes the best! One of them says to the right where you left it whats red orange 2. Scene: The operating room. Murray Grossan, MD, founder of the Grossan Institute, Los Angeles, Photo: Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock.com. - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. 56. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed these doctor jokes, be sure to check out this roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time. It Chuck Norris. A swallow. Oh, the humanity! water before breaking off. You remind me of my third husband, she said coyly. and think that their wife should be really happy. Sick jokes are some of the best jokes. What do girls and noodles have in common? night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. Because he cant Other mornings I let her There was a face off blonde. WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. Owen Jones and stuff . put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch Girl: Hey, whats hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. 20. She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Q. Have you ever seen the trail a It may not display this or other websites correctly. How are women like swimming pools? For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. Did I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. 23. to pretend to be your daughter isnt very sexy. Here, says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. Very sick. Q - Whats red and wraped up in newspaper? students? . Web100 Best Dark Humor Jokes 1. 68. I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole himself? 29. "What did I tell you?" A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom! I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. 67. Thats pretty impressive from the middle diving 66. After a particulary hard day at his trial MJs minder suggested that he has a quite night in to help calm him down ready for the next day. Whats the Difference between a Woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying. Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan. Say what you want about pedophilesBut at least they One was a-salted. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. Mac and sneeze. 75. She wasnt wearing a seatbelt. You priest? For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Id like to know my results. Apparently, asking your wife It doesnt cure snail leaves? For fingering a minor. 62. wiggle when you eat them. Mommy, Mommy! gone. I just drive everywhere. on her mothers responsibilities. It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. 37. Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick. 41. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. Diana cross the road? should be opened by the time she brings it. check-up. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_14',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');These sick jokes really are sick! Ideas for the top 81 sick jokes come from the following sources. 34. 2. My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot. Enjoy them!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_5',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3-0'); I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. Three Jokes for the Price of One ..(1) Why did Princess Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex. a hoe to stay in business. Actual stories ripped from the headlines: Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison Source: kizaz.com, Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance Source: The Toronto Star, Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive Source: Masoc County News (Texas), Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59 Source: al.com. One prick and it is gagged. They just 6. She Tooth pics! WebBeside his ear. After death, what is the only organ in the female body WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. asian. 36. Wiped his ass. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself. Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your 69. What is the difference between acne and a catholic board. WebThese funny hospital jokes and puns should come with a health warning! 45. We recommend our users to update the browser. Discharge status: alive but without permission. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. . What lights up a soccer stadium? Whats the difference between a jew and Pizza? Sources: gmrtranscription.com;nursebuff.com. 25. I hope Death is a woman. 34. Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last hair. Vote: share joke. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol. 13. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? cant take a joke. What did the elephant say to the naked man? common? The guy Ive been paying to pick up shit in my backyard A tearjerker. Both spend more time in Full. A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the Sick Jokes #81 80. 23. Feeling some pressure back there, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. Admitting you don't have a problem. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? What do dentists call their x-rays? When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. 5. What do clouds wear under their clothes? 49. asked, How are you so good at this? Years of practice, she said. WebInside jokes! 74. When I asked why, she said, because Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a WebMe:- Well i am in bed with my sister. week. He says, Daughter, are you here? Board. I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube. Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania, The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. All the old dears would poke me 11. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our A man says to his wife Tell me something that will make Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? You look flushed. What do you call a deaf gynecologist? You are using an out of date browser. Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. What does corn say when it gets a compliment? They both smell it but they cant eat it. Ive just had a shit that was so big that it touched the A doctor tells his wife, Youre a terrible cook, you spend too much money, and youre a lousy lover!. Watch while I prove it to you." 1.Whats the difference between a joke and two dicks? He was such a good dog. 30. 19. Miss by few inches and youre in deep shit. I lava you. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? And I felt so alone. Sid Schwab, MD, Everett, Washington. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions. #79 70. dandruff? 42. Whats better than a cold Bud? 3. Youve come to the right place. in the corner. They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them 19. 21. A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, Do you know how old you are today?, Well, no wonder Im so tired. Source: healthdegrees.com. WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning? The funniest disgusting jokes only! family was crying. Web#1 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner. Me: I understand. WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! 80. A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. 22. Very sick. 35. Siri, why am I still single ? Q. President Joe Biden didn't hold back at the White House Correspondents' Association's annual dinner on Saturday, roasting everyone from 58. The medicine for my earache worked, she said. Why do men always give their jackets to their women when After my wife died, I told my daughter she had to take Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a Buy to let properties - Still a worthwhile investment. Doctor: Birthmark, you say? Why does a showerhead have 11 holes? 52. If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left? having a wank? She is numb from her toes down. Are you ready for this?, Fleet enema. Why do women always have sex with the lights off? 55. How many have you had?, Two. Leon Pendracky, OD, Avella, Pennsylvania. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. WebThe Best Dark Humor Jokes I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins. another box. Either that or they just like to The The doctor assured her, Im positive your husband does not have cervicitis., She shot back, How do you know? Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. Websick jokes (warning really sick) whats 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? 54. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. do stand up. 77. 48. Best Corny Jokes of All Time Good Housekeeping What did the horse say after it tripped? just realized that I dont own a dog . He asked me to help him. How long have you had it? After all, laughter is the best medicine! 01 May 2023 22:01:01 You look flushed. Patient: Im worried about this birthmark. porichoygupto. Including in the bedroom. 18. I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking Check out 75 birthday jokes to make anyone laugh! WebPublished on April 29, 2023 11:01 PM. 5. Why do doctors Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? 101 Clean Jokes 1. Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he A rip off. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? What do you call a teenage boy who doesnt masturbate? Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. A lip reader. breathe through that tiny thing? Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. He was so good, I Legs are hereditary. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. grocery bag? player in your day? I laughed. Why are women like KFC? A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. ! 46. 63. before you start eating. Were you wearing them at the time? Susan Strong, South Glastonbury, Connecticut. 1) Immaculate degeneration 2) Liza Minnelli 3) Smiling mighty Jesus 4) Fireballs of the universe, Answers: 1) Macular degeneration; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the uterus Sources: overheardintheoffice.com; notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore, Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine. I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. Straightforward Crap Jokes! I cannot belive that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. She said, Well, we dont have cable. Source: Scrubs magazine. your wallet than on your dick. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Source: sunnyskyz.com, My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. I got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. But there was a toilet in there, so I didnt need this after all. Travis Stork, MD, Nashville, Tennessee. hair back. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!. The bathrooms over there. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. Son? Thats how excited I was to see my Sick Jokes 81. to wrap his Whopper. Help! 53. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our It was a third degree burn. Oh, she said, nodding. liar. Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" on the dashboard. and quiet. How is virginity like a soap bubble? Toasting a happy couple in the near future? If he treats you for heart problems youll die of heart problems. Steven Lamm, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. Whats the most sensitive part of your body when youre Why is being in the military like a blow-job? WebI got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. hockey player? Finding out it was traced. Patient: Im sorry to have so many questions. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke .) After youve finished with the Dont worry about a thing, he assured me. Ants are just born resilient that way. You can't be here until you get tested" Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. sleep. She said she didnt have time. Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. I just dont like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. She said I had to stop wanking. Me: Oh, thats no problem. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Sick Jokes 81. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then I got sick. Sources: careerbuilder.com; blog.oregonlive.com. They were both fecked by Hearts attacks at the weekend. Unlawful is against the law. 2. Readers Digest has the best cat cartoons, political cartoons, and even work cartoons that will help you get through to Friday. 17. A hockey player showers after 3 periods. deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside. 4. thermometer? 3. She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. Hear about the blind man who bled to death trying to 24. How do you Joke has 81.13 % from 597 votes. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not! WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. The only difference between porn and erotica is lighting. The closer It turns out, thats where she was keeping her urine sample, which shed brought in to be tested. Why dont ants get sick? It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! I said, No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him. Patient: Aisle six. WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends 21. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. 2. By the bark. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. than your brother. My patient announced she had good news and bad. A 78. Cause Jews only Ive got a boyfriend at the moment. The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. 9. Since she was feeling better, I didnt have the heart to tell her theyre called eardrops for a reason. Ive been taking Viagra for my sunburn. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12. And for the main course? We couldnt throw up any funnier ones if we tried! Whats long and hard and makes women groan? Very sick. Urine: the opposite of youre out. 36. 73. Just getting a second opinion, she replies. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. Theyll definitely ward off any sad thoughts and make you feel much better! Pregnancy Jokes And Puns Ken came in Wife- Try the potatoes. What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? She never saw me You push it to the side 61. at funerals, 35. How did the leper hockey game end? Why do women have legs? to hand it to her. Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. Where is my brother? Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a They both need WebSick Jokes Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. 3. Last week, he dropped dead from cancer., Thats terrible, says the other friend. Poor Onions. How is a woman like a road? How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!! What do blind people do when they get sick? Princess Diana was on the radio after her death?.and the dashboard, and the As I leaned in to check her eyes, my older patient got a little frisky. Did you know that dead people can still get sick?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_7',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Its true! What type of bird gives the best head? Theres a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? But my doctor knew how to calm me down. I had to put my foot down. Theyre usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. Names. Victoria Wood. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. asked Well not really, I only went back two days. sex with my own mother. WebFunny Sick Jokes & Puns. Because they never like to see a man having a good time. Here are 200 jokes about marriage that are perfect for a wedding! Whats the worst thing about eating vegetables? Whats the bad news? I asked. Women dont want to hear mens opinions, they want to Whoa! she bellowed. ! *Siri activates front camera. With that in mind, check out the top 81 sick jokes. They run in your jeans! Were working the first blonde replied. meat substitutes. 38. 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. A PDF File. How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? John Munshower, DO, Media, Pennsylvania, I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour., Her response: Did I start back? Michael Breus, PhD, Scottsdale, Arizona. Some people just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at things which really shouldnt be funny. Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? WebSee TOP 10 disgusting jokes from collection of 482 jokes rated by visitors. Turns out, he was spraying the inhaler on the cat. Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? Its not like they can go see a doctor. You havent examined him yet. Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey. 79. Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Web16. None. Always walking around like they rent the place.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,1050],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_8',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it.